What is Squadron Garbology?

The Dickweed Heavy Bomber Group believes in promoting the combat readiness of all flight crew members. To this end, the squadron maintains a garbology study program whereby highly trained garbology officers periodically, without notice, appear at selected members' homes to inspect the contents of all garbage cans. The officers are trained to spot items such as tubes of K-Y jelly, a trapeze, Nazi underwear, strangely shaped vibrators or inflatable sex dolls (not including Squadron issued "Judy" flotation devices)
All trash and refuse is scientifically analyzed to profile personal habits and lifestyles, thus insuring the individual pilot, bombardier or gunner is maintaining a strict state of readiness for squadron missions.

If the Squadron garbology officers discover anything alarming, intelligence and command staff are notified for possible corrective action. In addition, the squadron intervention office and chaplain are put on alert. Being a full service squadron, the DHBG also maintains counseling services for any member traumatized on a mission. This service is a function of the squadron intervention office.

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