Dickweed Mythology

The Dickweeds generally recognize two deities: Dome and PHOM. Both are gods of the Sierra Nevada and are considered mountain kings. Neither Dickweed deity is known for a great sense of humor or compassion toward the stupid. Both god kings are thousands of years old, tend to be grumpy, can play tricks, and have histories of violence in the form of catastrophic seismic and geological events.
The Dome is the most powerful and senior of the two deities. The Dome lives somewhere in the Long Valley Caldera, that vast, extinct volcano beneath Mono Lake. The Dome has recently been stirring and puffing up, to the great concern of government geologists who study The Dome in a fleet of unmarked, white vans. The Dome last erupted 700,000 years ago and rocks from that event have been found on the east coast. The dome on top of this volcano (from which Dome gets his name) has been rising a few centimeters per year. This is an ominous sign. Scientists claim the magma chamber beneath this dome has been replenished from the last eruption and can explode again with the introduction of steam. They predict another eruption of The Dome would be 100 times bigger than Krakatoa and 600 times bigger than the largest Mt. Saint Helens blast. This means that if The Dome goes, we go. Aside from the shock wave and seismic destruction, the earth would be darkened for perhaps two or three years, all sunlight blacked out, and civilization destroyed.
The Dome is not to be taken lightly.
The Dome is further agitated by smokers, bums, smart-assed broads, barking dogs, idiots in recreational vehicles, pollution, unnatural noise, and anything which The Dome considers an affront to nature. Since our society has now embraced thousands of activities, public and private, which can be considered an affront to nature ---our future does not look bright.
Dickweeds have been among the only people to actually attempt appeasement of The Dome by providing the soothing sounds of airplane and Harley-Davidson engines within the general area of the Long Valley Caldera.
The second recognized deity is the infamous Phantom of the Mountain, or great PHOM, as he is known. It is a yearly trek for several senior Dickweeds to climb to the lair of PHOM and appease this most often angry deity with secret Dickweed homages. Along this treacherous path are little dickweed plants, from whence the name of our squadron evolved, growing in the shadow of the great PHOM.


PHOM lives here at 10,770 ft. on top of Mt. Rose near Reno, Nevada.

    This is an area covered in mystic lore, dickweed mythology, and dickweed plants at the higher elevations. The broth of the dickweed is a legendary aphrodisiac and healer used by ancient mountain people for centuries. Elusive and beautiful water nymphs inhale dickweed vapors and rub dickweed oils on their bodies before running naked though the woods. Many pilgrims have been captured and seduced by these sensuous creatures of the forest. Notice the clouds which surround and hide the actual throne of PHOM. These are known as "Phomian Mists." Within these mists frolic the nude succubus nymphs who lure non Dickweeds to destruction. All non Dickweeds are discouraged from pilgrimages to PHOM, as they do not enjoy a Dickweed's special protection when approaching his dwelling.
    Much like The Dome, the god PHOM is also displeased with urban sprawl which encroaches at his feet along with all the other affronts to nature. The last time PHOM's anger boiled over resulted in a mud slide that covered Highway 395, wiping out structures and doing much damage.

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